dirac delta function and chaos theory!!

a blog after a long time.. my inspiration of blogging is more of a dirac delta function, peaking momentarily and remaining at rock bottom for the rest of the time.. some one once said that you tend to blog (write actually, i just changed it for the occasion) when you are sad or happy.. am neither at the moment.. just those days where i am not feeling much from anywhere.. one of those days where you tend to step back and look at what all that is happenning and where you are going.. where familiar faces seem unfamiliar.. where you are in your own world.. and everyone else is something hazy out there and you just want to slow down so that the dust settles down and the things become more clearer..

anyways the inspiration i got for this blog was from the concept of ButterFly Effect which according to wikipedia is "is a phrase that encapsulates the more technical notion of sensitive dependence on initial conditions in chaos theory. Small variations of the initial condition of a dynamical system may produce large variations in the long term behavior of the system." One very good quote that makes this more clearer is

It has been said something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world. - Chaos Theory

something very trivial but frightengly true.. a small change in what you do changes your future like completely, in much more ways than you could have ever imagined.. and as much as you want to change soemthing that has happened in the past, you cant be sure that the future would turn out to be better than what you have now.. which also in some sense interesting way collaborates the fact the saying that "whatever happens happens for the good". I at times contemplate and imagine situations with some small changes and the possible outcomes .. its an interesting thing to do when you are all alone with nothing else to do.. kind of make a parralel universe of yours where you can imagine the possibilities.. and at times wonder whether some other weird guy did this and then realised that the probability of outcome being better than the present tends towards zero whereas the possiblity of things going horribly wrong is much higher, and hence ispiration for the present being the best outcome possible if you take whole of the past into account.. its weird when you somehow connect two very different things, but at times that weirdness stems from the fact that you are biased towards one line of thinking and hence try to move your thoughts in that direction..

i dont know what i am writing, but then again i wonder when was it ever when i did...

...

Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up knowing tht it has to run faster than the fastest lion or else it will get killed...
Every morning in Africa a lion wakes up realising it has to run faster thn the slowest gazelle or else it will starve to death..
It doest matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.. when the sun wakes up, you gotta be up and running..

snap!

sometimes u try hard.. because u think u can beat "them" this "them" could have many faces.. u know u wont win but u still try hard.. because that's all that gives you that small iota of hope that u can win.. that things may work out in your favour.. however impossible that may seem to be... sometimes you dont look at the reality or worse, make up an imaginary world for yourself... n even when the signals are all there to be seen, u try and sense them in a different light, even lying to your own self along the way.. because again its this lie that kindles that candle of hope in you whenever you come out of your virtual world and face this world.. and again u slip back...

then one day it all snaps... u lose it all.. all the lies that u have been telling yourselves reach a tipping point and you are stark naked in front of reality.. without anyone, all alone.. all your dreams have long gone and all you are is a dreamer who never acted! or never thought he was living the life he was actually living.. and then he lets go.. not in the smooth way but with voilent turmoil.. the force with which a rubber band snaps when it is strechted beyond a limit..

"hope is a good thing, may be the best of things, n no good thing ever dies" - Shawshank Redemption..

for long it has been my favourite qoute.. now a days, i wonder about it.. hope never dies, but what if it isnt born as yet!

With or without you...

"
See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And Im waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, shes got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you
With or without you"


------------------- U2

Random..

"Reality is just a bad dream.. The problem is I am still sleeping!"


-- Inspiration in ISPE class today... though not by it..

Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi....

One of the best movies i have seen till date..
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0411469/

not many movies can force me to write about them.. but i think this one is different in a lot of ways.. the main motivation for me again came from weird sources. I was in a group meeting when a group mate was watching this movie. This kind of small spark is the kind of spark i need to be attracted towards a movie. Another main motivation behind this movie for me was the fact that it was set in 1970s, an era in post-independence India that I really like to read and know a lot about.. I dont know why but that era just kind of attracts me with the emergency, the blind pursuit of power by people whose parents were the ones who fought for independence, and to my mind is a seed for thought as to how different are we from pre-independence era..

The movie is about a girl called Geeta who comes from London and loves a guy called Siddhartha. Sid comes from a well to do family but is more inclined towards working for oppressed people in Bihar and goes for revolutionary methods.. Geeta also has another admirer in Vikram, whose father is a staunch Gandhian and doesnt approve of the then Congress Govt Methods.. Vikram on the other hand wants to become big in life and isnt much interested in what is going on in India..

The movie is a stark reminder of what are we going forward. We all in IITs and IIMs are behind the big bucks and dont care about what is happening in India. I have thought over this though many a times but havent come out in favour of one side of another.. Having being in both of these so called "esteemed institutions" one very striking similarity in these places is the presence of very high no. of middle class junta in this place.. People like me never had the privilege of being exhorbirant.. i came from a good middle class family where the fact that i have to make my career and no one would be able to do anything for me.. perhaps the absence of any option on which i can fall upon if I failed was the biggest driving factor for me to choose the tried and tested path of engg/management etc and not going for anything other path or any kind of social service.. and i think 95% of the junta in these 2 places would agree with this.. even if we want, it just is a night long thought since with the morning comes the hectic life where the cost of us failing or going to a different path is too high for comfort..

i dont know if this all makes sense but atleast for the remaining night, all i want to do is to bring in a change in this country, though the morning tomm, this world would have changed me again into the scared person for whom the gigantic task of working towards a change in society would be too much for his weak shoulders...

nothing to do.. and an ode....

yeah thats me.. have nothing to do lately.. and turn back time say 10 days back.. this would have been a big joke for me.. life changes dude..
this blog is an ode to the many many blogs i have been reading lately.. most of those unknown to me.. some of my friends.. i love reading others blog.. bad as it may be, i have started going through orkut profiles of many many people and unlike most who go staight to the album [beleive me i have seen many of my friends do that!> i go and straight look at the blogid if they have posted one.. and if they havent, i move out of their profiles.. (though if its a really good looking girl's profile, i do sometimes allow myself the liberty to peep into their album as well ;) ] i dont know.. i never have been a writer myself.. but i do like reading.. and reading other people's blog sort of connects me to them.. though most of the times i dont even know them or would ever come across them.. but still i feel a real connection for the duration that i am reading their blogs.. and i really like it.. i dont know if it is intruding into their privacy but still..

PS: i tried to evolve my blog around a character the good ol' subzero is back :)